I was a stone geek most of my life, I admit it. In fact, I still am in many ways, although I’ve changed a lot in recent years. By geek I mean I was this annoying smart boy who knew everything about facts and logic but knew nothing about life or emotions. Then, a few years ago, I had some catastrophic life events that turned my life upside down, and I spent my last few years to rebuild my life from the ground. I had to work for years until I could get an understanding of emotions, traumas, psychology, and therapy, what they mean, how they relate, what are their roles, and how they help. I did an awful lot of work until I could understand and see what I see now, and I hope that summarizing my experience and knowledge in this piece of writing will help me deepen my understanding further.
Moreover, I get furious sometimes that nobody taught me about all this earlier. It could have saved me a lot of trouble and suffering. Okay, probably I wasn’t very receptive to anything outside pure rationality, but come on, they could have tried a little harder! This is no rocket science, and no magical hocus-pocus either. This can be told within the bounds of pure logic, even to an emotional analphabet! This writing is my best try to correct this mistake and fill the gap. Consider it my letter to my 10, 15, 20 or 30 years old geeky self, to make his life a little less miserable. The “geeky” part is essential because I swear to you that you can chop my fingers off if you catch me using any vague, mysterious or cheesy concept and expression.
After another two-week period of pain and agony, the long-awaited, redeeming rain finally arrived. Since that, I am walking above the clouds, while I haven’t fully understood what happened to me yet. In one moment, burning happiness wants to blow my mind, and I have to hold myself back not to start singing and dancing in the middle of the office. In other moments, I am trembling anxiously from the massive doses of uncontrollable vitality and joy trying to break out of my body. I am going back and forth from one extreme state to the other. My body can’t digest the new experience and the new feelings yet.
Many people fear that once they start digging deep into themselves, they’ll find things that would be too much to handle. They fear what they might find, so they never start looking. This concern is legitimate and understandable. I have faced this several times in the last years.
For most of us, emotions are this vague, mystical concept that nobody taught us about. On top of that, we have no clue what to do with them when they arise, if we notice them at all. But this unawareness doesn’t defend us from the problems that emotions cause in our lives. Even if we realize we have a problem of emotional nature (anxiety, depression, rage, etc.), we don’t know where to look for a solution, because society and our culture don’t give us a helping hand.
Love is something everybody is talking about, but the essence of it is really hard to grasp. Love can be defined and expressed in many different ways, but here, for my purposes, I will take a merely practical, down-to-earth approach to the meaning of love.
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Zol's World 